I'm so fucking centered right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
