I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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