Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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