Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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