i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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