You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
