i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
