I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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