I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
