I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize