he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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