Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
