I think my vagina is haunted
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
