And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
