Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
