I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
