i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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