My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
