He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
