It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
