Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
