I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize