He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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