hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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