i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
