Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
