i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if only i could text you this smell
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
