I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize