help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
