I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
