i wish my penis had a tongue
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
