I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.