the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog