i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".