So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.