Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
