Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You can't motorboat a personality
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
