I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
