"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
