a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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