you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
