even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
