The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
