The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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