I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
