The maid of honor just puked.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
