chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize