About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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