Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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