is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
