I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
