no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
