Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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