First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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