i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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