You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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