I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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