dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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