the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
